


15x13 CODA

by Taybay14



Series: Season 15 CODAs [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:08:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23307301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taybay14/pseuds/Taybay14
Summary: Dean from the other world puts things into... perspective for our Dean.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Season 15 CODAs [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514210
Comments: 39
Kudos: 220





	15x13 CODA

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! I've been awful with replying to comments but I'm slowly getting to them (I love every one, they make my day so much brighter whenever I get the chance to read through them <3 Thank you so much!)

Fake Dean - the name Dean has given this other-worldly, pompous man that shares his face - is getting on Dean’s nerves, and he’s only been in the bunker for two minutes. Those two minutes give him plenty of time. He points out that Dean could probably make himself look “more attractive” by “classing up his wardrobe.” He asks Dean if he has a significant other and huffs at his response that he’s single. Then he follows that question up with, “are you bisexual, too?” as if he has no idea how crippling that could be. When Dean had barked a resounding “no,” he had made some side comment about how his father was so supportive. It makes Dean’s blood boil. John had dragged Dean by the scruff of his neck to a strip club when he found Dean at 14 jacking off to a gay porn mag. He made Dean sit there and watch every girl, bought him lap dances, and even sent Dean off with some girl he doesn’t even remember the name of, stuffing a wad of bills in Dean’s hand and telling him to “go learn how a real man behaves.” 

Then they turn the corner and enter the main room where Castiel is sitting at the map table, rubbing at his forehead in that way he always does when he’s feeling overwhelmed. Fake Dean pastes on a stupid fucking grin that’s clearly his flirting grin - Dean would know… it looks just likes his - and says, “There’s my hero. Thanks again for saving us from wherever the hell that was.”

Castiel’s eyes snap up, looking at Fake Dean, then Dean, then Fake Dean. He gives Fake Dean a genuine smile and it hurts for Dean to look at it. “You’re welcome. How are you feeling?”

“A little shaken… but okay. How are you?”

The look on Castiel’s face hurts Dean worse than the smile had. He looks genuinely surprised and flattered that Fake Dean would care enough to ask.  _Does Dean not ask enough? Should he ask that more? Should he show how much he cares more?_

When he focuses back on the conversation, Fake Dean is chuckling and Castiel is blushing. Castiel flicks his gaze at Dean before down at the table. “I wouldn’t say that.”

“Say what?” Dean asks, feeling off kilter and wishing Fake Dean would just go the fuck away. 

“I told him you’re lucky. I wish I had someone like him to look at all day long while I work. He’s beautiful.”

Dean turns to glare at Fake Dean. “You don’t just go around saying shit like that to people.”

“I do.”

“Well… not to him.” Dean looks between the two of them, feeling his face heating up. He hurries out of the room to escape. “I need a drink.”

\---- 

Castiel has his head tucked toward Fake Dean, looking at a photograph Fake Dean has saved on his phone. It makes Castiel laugh. Then Castiel pulls his own phone out, talking away as he searches for a picture of his own. Fake Dean stares at him in awe. Dean just watches from the doorway, one shoulder up against the doorframe as he takes a sip of his whiskey. 

“Ya know, you could go sit with them,” Sam mutters, coming up to stand behind Dean so he can watch too. “They’re just talking while we wait for Jack to be ready.”

“I’m fine.”

“Suit yourself.” Sam waits a minute or so before sighing. “Stop staring at him like a jealous boyfriend.”

“I’m not jealous.” It’s not convincing. Dean didn’t even try to make it so. He’s drained just from watching this, watching Fake Dean make Castiel smile more times in a matter of minutes than Dean’s done in the past few weeks. “It’s not like he’s mine to be jealous over.”

Sam scoffs. “He could be. All you’d have to do is ask.” 

Dean doesn’t acknowledge that. Instead, he drains his glass and walks away to get a refill. 

Twenty minutes later, they’re in the impala on the way to the supposed location for the occultum. Despite his protests, Sam is sitting in the back with Jack. One look from Dean had shut him up on the matter. He pretended he didn’t see the way Sam had smirked when Dean’s hand had settled on the small of Castiel’s back as he told Castiel wanted him up front tonight. 

He even let Castiel pick the radio station. 

If that ain’t love, then what is?

\---- 

“Can we talk real quick?” Fake Dean asks, pulling Dean aside as Fake Sam searches for his missing scarf. 

“What?”

“Maybe somewhere more private?”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “Um, why?”

“I doubt you want me to talk about what I’m hoping to talk about in front of the rest of the people here.” That gives Dean a sick feeling in his stomach. He jerks his head in a nod and walks away, knowing Fake Dean will follow. When they get in his room, Dean closes his door and gestures in the air as if to say ‘go on.’ Fake Dean gives him a tentative smile. “I just want to remind you that you said I could use your laptop.”

“Okay.”

“With no restrictions.”

Dean swallows hard, trying not to show his growing fear. There’s a lot on that laptop. There’s… so much on that laptop.  _Shit_ . “What’d you see?”

“Well, I saw Busty Asian Beauties.” Dean’s about to ask why that’s a bad thing when Fake Dean continues, his voice lowered like they’re sharing secrets. “Which brought me to your porn folder, out of curiosity, and I saw… what was in it.” 

Gay - or, more accurately,  _bi_ \- panic doesn’t begin to describe what Dean feels. He feels like he’s drowning underwater. Those videos… 

“Listen, man, I’m not gonna say anything to anyone, okay? And you guys are sending us off to Brazil, where I doubt anyone would give two shits if I told them Dean Winchester back in Kansas has a folder full of hot guys fucking other hot guys, but I just wanted to make damn sure, you know… that you know it’s  o k a y . It’s okay to like that stuff.” 

“I know,” Dean snaps, feeling attacked. 

“We’re not getting any younger, man.”

“Your point?”

“The porn isn’t that big of a deal.” He shifts, looking more nervous. “The fanfiction, though…”

Dean puts a hand up. “Stop.”

“I just think it’s a shame. You live with him. He’s right here, and you clearly love-”

“Get out.” Dean grabs Fake Dean by the bicep and opens his bedroom door, nearly dragging him down the hall. 

They make it halfway down before Fake Dean says under his breath, “Let me go or they’ll ask what’s wrong.”

Dean sinks in on himself, letting go of Fake Dean and stuffing his hands in his pockets so no one will see how hard they’re shaking. He gathers himself just enough to turn the corner, seeing Sam and Castiel waiting with Fake Sam. Jack is nowhere to be found. 

Things only get worse when Fake Dean announces that they drove Baby. 

After that, Dean’s just… he’s done.  _Good Riddance, Fake Dean. Good Riddance._

\---- 

Dean lies awake all night, staring at the ceiling. 

_I just wanted to make damn sure, you know… that you know it’s okay._

He thinks about Castiel in Purgatory, waiting against that tree even though he was risking being trapped there forever. He remembers the pure relief as his eyes met with blue. As he took Castiel into his arms. As Castiel said that he heard him, that he understood, that it was all going to be okay. 

_It’s okay to like that stuff._

He thinks about Castiel coming home with Jack, smiling at Dean over their son’s shoulder. Castiel had such a hard time that night being too far away from the boy. He had made up reasons to touch him, just gentle taps on his shoulder or their arms brushing together at the table. When Jack had excused himself, Castiel had started doing the same with Dean, seeking touch. Seeking someone. Needing someone. 

_We’re not getting any younger, man._

Dean had excused himself just minutes after Jack, his heart in his throat, his skin sweaty. He didn’t trust himself sitting there with Castiel again. They had been so close to something  m o r e before their fight. Then Dean was able to hide behind his anger. Now that they’ve made up, each day is like wading through muddy water, trying desperately to reach nightfall clean. 

_The porn isn’t that big of a deal._

He remembers the fear that had strangled him when he had come back from Hell only to find the man he loves - because he does, doesn’t he? Dean fucking loves him - nearly dead on that chair. Jack couldn’t get him back soon enough. Every second that passed was a second without oxygen. 

_The fanfiction, though…_

Dean smiles as he closes his eyes and pictures Castiel on the ride to the church tonight. He had abused his sudden power over the radio, jamming out to some song Dean wishes he could scrub clean from his mind. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the music itself that Dean wanted to erase. It was the lyrics. It was the way Castiel had looked at him from the corner of his eye as he, Jack, and Sam sang along with the woman on the radio. 

_I just think it’s a shame._

Black curls bouncing as he lets himself dance, hitting that giddy 3 a.m. slap happy mood the angel has always hit since his grace was weakened. His dry lips curving into a smile that took Dean’s breath away when they stopped at a stop sign. The way his voice shook and trembled as he sang, sounding awful but beautiful all at once. 

_You live with him._

“If you don’t want to see me dancing with somebody, if you don’t wanna believe that anything could stop me,” he’s pause his singing, wagging a finger at Dean as he laughs softly. Jack’s singing in a purposely high voice. Sammy’s actually holding a pretty decent tune. “Don’t show up, don’t come out. Don’t start caring about me now. Walk away, you know how. Don’t start caring about me now.”

_He’s right here._

He sees Castiel in the kitchen tonight, telling them Jack got his soul back. Looking at Dean in desperation. Then relief, overwhelming relief, when Dean had hugged Jack tight and told him of course he forgave him. 

_And you clearly love-_

Dean gets out of bed on determined yet shaking legs. He tries to breathe evenly, but he’s still panting when he reaches the angel’s room. There’s a chance he’s not even in there. He could be with Jack. Or doing something else. He doesn’t sleep often, usually only when his grace is feeling depleted. 

Dean’s not sure if he wants him to be in there or not, but he knocks, and Castiel answers, and his knees weaken with the sight of him. 

“I love you,” he blurts out, unable to hold the words in for a second longer. He takes a deep, shuddery breath. Eyes locking with Castiel’s, Dean says in a much calmer, even voice, “I love you.”

Castiel’s nostrils flare as he sucks a breath through them. The angel parts his lips twice before finally making sound. “You love all of us. We’re family.”

“No.” Dean takes a chance, bringing a hand up to cup the side of Castiel’s face. It startles Castiel, and Dean wonders if he should pull away, but then Castiel is leaning his weight into the palm of Dean’s hand, and Dean’s never felt better. Here he is, standing with the entire world in his hand. “I’m in love with you.”

“Like… like in the movies? Like in  _The Notebook_ ?”

Dean groans, but he’s unable to lose his smile. It’s sticky and not going anywhere. “Sure. Like  _The Notebook_ . Or, ya know, literally any other movie… like… any movie Cas.  _The Notebook_ is kind of a terrible movie.”

“It is not!” Castiel huffs, still with his face in Dean’s hand. He’s fighting a smile. Dean’s still grinning. “It’s an epic love story. One for the ages.”

“No, Cas.” Dean leans in, tilting Castiel’s head up so their lips are almost pressed together. Dean whispers, “That's  our  story you're thinking of,” and kisses him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr @ destiel-love-forever <3


End file.
